The original Dr. Phil Green M&M Man, pre-slaughter
Niyah McLeod, Chloe Bloomfield, Keanu Barnhill, and Erin Holmes, CFNN Reporters

On October 16th, a green Dr. Phil M&M drawing was born from the dust of chalk and passion. It was the work of quasi-talented artist, Angelina Nicolosi. The artwork was exquisite; it was a beautiful sight for the human eye to behold. The green M&M meant a lot to Angelina, but what happened to it?

“As a struggling New York artist, I feel like that was one of my best pieces. It was the SAMO preceding my Basquiat, but with its slaughter, I feel like my artistic prowess can not evolve,” said Angelina. 

“It meant a lot. It embodied everything we hate in the world in a good way such as capitalism and bringing down the economy. It was beautiful,” said onlooker Curtis Coleman.

“It was a symbol of freedom and American decadence,” said English instructor Coach Grates. “It was a symbol to the class not only of the duality of man, but also as a totem of what we strive to become in Journalism.”

“She (Angelina) is one traumatic event from cutting her ear off, moving the to south of France, and changing her name to Vincent.” said witness Walker Brittain. “This seems like the plot of the next Joker movie.”

The people of first period journalism loved the M&M dearly. They held the chalky masterpiece close to their hearts. But, did everyone love it? Or was there some masked animosity in the room that no one picked up on?

Lily Terwilliger, a classmate, said, “I wasn’t in the room when this happened, but R.I.P.”

When asked what the M&M meant to him, student Nicholas Aime responded, “I didn’t care.” 

Nicholas was one of our few suspects in this case based on his feelings towards the M&M. 

“It was 30 minutes of annoying conversations,” said murder suspect number two, Dallas Wilson. 

The M&M lived a short life, but he was very loved and appreciated by many high school students. He touched the hearts of these children, and he will forever hold a special place in their hearts. May he rest in peace.

Just 30 minutes after his miraculous birth, the Dr. Phil Green M&M man was murdered. The murder weapon? A chalkboard eraser. The killer? Dallas Wilson, as revealed by a tough interrogation and contrite confession. (The chalk dust staining his murderous palms was a dead giveaway, too).

“Dang right I killed that Dr. Phil Green M&M man.” 

 Long live the Dr. Phil Green M&M man.

Dallas did not act alone. Nicholas Aime was proven to be an accomplice after deep investigation and interrogation. 

First, Dallas picked up the eraser, and gasps rippled through the room. 

Nicholas then closed the door and nodded his head to give the cue. Dallas took the eraser to the chalkboard, and the murder commenced. It was an act of pure hatred, but against the M&M, or the artist Angelina herself? A question that has yet to be answered. One day… one day.

Today, October 18th, Angelina is still grieving the death of her work. She continues to draw replicas of her beloved M&M, but it will never be the same. 

One of Angelina’s replica portraits. Each is done in an attempt to fill the hole in her heart, but each is done in vain.

“It was a hate crime. Simply put, there’s no other explanation,” Angelina said, holding back tears and wailing sobs. 

“Perhaps Dallas was green with envy, or maybe acting out of fear of his sideburns, but at the end of the day it was a hate crime. I’m not religious, but I pray he finds salvation.”

Watch your backs, budding artists. Dallas may be a danger to the journalism community, and to our fellow M&Ms.

To honor his memory and message, a famous quote in honor and in memory to the M&M man:

“Remember, tomorrow is promised to no one.” -Walter Payton.